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I don’t need the directions!
What does this button do?
Is the electric off?
It’ll work!
Warning my ass!
Ya ready?
Here goes nothing!
I've done it a hundred times before.
I dare ya to pull that trigger!
I know what I’m doing!
It’ll work!
Crap!
What’s that?
WTF
Make me!
I don’t know about this…..
Ohhhh come on, no one will find out!
Shit!!
Watch out!
Just watch and see!
Don’t worry about it!
Hold on to your beer!
Uhhhhh Ohhhhh!!
You won’t feel a thing!
Don't push that button!
It’ll be fun!
Everything will be ok!
Trust me!
Yeahhhh I can do it!
You don’t have the guts!
Ohhhh Yeah, and whatchya gonna do about it?
It won’t bite!
Ooops!
What’s the worse that can happen?
Please remain calm, there is nothing to worry about….
I don’t care what you say……I’m going back for my pants….
1. Wrong bait.
2. Pole too short.
3. Too hot.
4. Line broke.
5. Water too clear.
6. Not enough beer.
7. Fell asleep.
8. Fish wasn't biting.
9. Muddy water.
10. Too windy.
11. Warm beer.
12. Too drunk to fish.
13. Water too rough.
14. Ran outta gas.
15. Too cold.
16. Hook was dull.
17. Someone fishing in our spot!
18. Caught a 40 pounder (that got away)
19. Boat sunk.
20. Small worms.
21. Wrong kind of tackle.
25. Water is too high.
26. Water is too low.
27. Forgot the bait.
28. Didn't want to show off.
It was a long day at work and at the end of the day I was beat, so I decided to take a little nap when I got home. A little nap is what it turned out to be, because I'd been asleep a whole fifteen minutes when my daughter came in the room to wake me up and handed me the phone. My little sister called from our cousins house, she said he was sick and wanted me to come down and take his blood pressure. When I got there, both my sisters were there and worried, they thought he was dying. Blood pressure was OK, pulse OK, respiration OK, blood sugar 260, temp 102.8 and had been that way for two days, he couldn't hold anything down and couldn't stay awake. So we talked (threatened) him into going the ER, little sis tells him to change his underwear (I don't know how long he'd had them on but it was too long) He said NO, if I go to the ER I go on my terms... Oh boy! Well, we got his bags packed and loaded up in the car and off we go.
Once they got him into a room in the ER they told us there could only be two of us at a time in the room with him, so we decided we would take turns sitting out in the waiting room. When the nurse came in check on my cousin she asked him, "what brings you here today?"... He pointed at me and my sister and said, "They did, I didn't want to come!" He gave the nurse hell when she was drawing blood, then wanted to know if she was married. When he finally decided he wanted to sit up a bit, he was staring at his feet... Then he said, "My shoes are on the wrong feet!".... I tried to tell him that before he ever got in the car and my little sister, who helped him put them on said that's how he wears them... Apparently, she was wrong! Hahaha
After I had been back in ER with him and my oldest sister for a while I decided to go back to the waiting room and let my little sister go back in the ER. When I came through the double doors and told her she could go back for a while she said, "I think those doors lock"... "No they don't just push the bar and go through"... "Wait, watch that woman... Oh, OK, I'll be back later". Then I watch her trot her happy butt to the doors and push... And... NOTHING... She pushed again... NOTHING... Then she jiggled the doors but she still couldn't get them to open, then she started laughing... I was about to die laughing and people were looking at both of us like we were nuts.
She came back and sit down by me and then a little old lady hobbled up to the doors and pushed them open and went in, No problem... OMG... I thought I was going to pee my pants!! So both of us just sit out in the waiting room visiting with other people who were waiting. Then my little sister got to telling this lady why we were there, she said, "we were both piled up in the bed taking a nap and a friend called to say our cousin was sick." The lady looked at us so funny (uhhh huh they're gay), I quickly corrected her, I said "we're sisters, she was at her house I was at mine!" The nice little lady just nodded and smiled. I don't think she believed me!!
Finally my older sister came back from the ER and said the Doctor would be there in a few minutes and we would know something soon. So as she headed back to the ER to be with my cousin I followed her and ... She pushed the door open and we went in, no problem. We were back there for a while and my cousin asked where our little sister was and I said she was out in the waiting room and I'd go change places with her and he said, No, let her bother the people out there, she's probably bossing them all around... Hahaha...
Well, finally after about 4 1/2 hours in the waiting room they decided they were going to run more test and still wasn't sure if they were going to keep him we decided we were going home and he could call if they decided to kick him out. As my older sister and I came through the double doors to the waiting room I motioned for my little sister to come here... I told her to open the doors... She pushed... NOTHING... Pushed again.. NOTHING... If I didn't know better I'd think she was a natural blonde. At least we got out of there before they threw us out, only one problem... Who's going to go back to pick him up? And what do we do if he's still wearing those same ole dirty underwear?
If you are interested in getting an i Pad, I can get hold of them through a contact.
These are legal, not off the back of a truck. They are from a canceled hospital contract due to the government cutbacks.The numbers are limited - i Pads going for less than half price, so it's first come, first served. Get back to me as quickly as you can if you want one.
Yesterday, I posted that joke and the picture on Facebook for my friends. Now I want to share with you the funny e mails I received from my aunt because of the joke..
First, I notice my Aunt posted a message on my wall stating, "I want 4 I pads, E mail me".
Well I had no clue what she was talking about... I totally forgot about posting the joke until I checked my E mail and found her message. Here's the E mails I received from my dear Aunt who was ready to write me a check for for 4 of them...
Cindi
I would like to buy Three IPads....
yesterday my great-grandson asked for an IPad for Christmas
and I read on your Facebook that you had some to sell.....
do you still have some to sell? Hopefully, I can purchase at least 3...maybe 4
let me know how much...I will send you a check...
Your Favorite Aunt
LMAO, Aunt Linda this is the funniest thing I've read all day. Did you see the picture of the I pad?
Ummmm, maybe I should have called them eye pads instead... It was a joke, I hope your reply is
one too because it sure gave me a laugh.
Love you.
Cindi
Nope.....didnt' see the picture, but I got it........never mind......
My Great Grand Son has been bugging me for an
IPAD........so I guess, I have turned into your MOM.....
I bit on it........Ho Ho Ho.....it is funny I didn't even
think of EYE PADS......DUH!!!!!!!
Your Favorite Aunt
I wish I did have some I pads for sell. It took me a few minutes to figure out what you were
talking about, I had forgotten about posting that joke. I have attached a picture here for you.
If you still want to purchase some, let me know... lol
I'm over it.......don't need those kind of eye pads.....
Thanks anyway.....I am still laughing as well......
this is tooooo funny.......Your mom would have
loved this one.....
Your Favorite Aunt
If you have more than one child you understand how a parent will call out the name of all their children before they get the name right when talking to or about one of their children. My parents both are also guilty of telling stories that happened years ago...and if they can't remember which daughter did it... Just blame me, because in all probability, they were probably right. To my defense though, sometimes... Ummmm, well...every now and then.. It was one of my sisters.
A few years before my mom passed away my two daughters and I were visiting right before Halloween and they were discussing what they were going to be for Halloween when my youngest daughter piped in she wanted to be a princess. At the mention of princess my mom had to tell them when I was a little girl I wanted to be a princess every year for Halloween. Now, while I'm busy searching my mind wondering just when it was that I was a princess because I couldn't ever remember being one. I remembered being clowns, hobo's, gypsies, vampires, hippies and rock stars but never a princess ...Then I'm jolted back to reality as I hear my mom continuing her story... Telling them my butt was too big for the princess costumes and it split the back of the costume so my ass was showing as I walked down the road trick or treating.
The next week I took my oldest daughter to my sisters beauty shop to get her hair cut and while we were there I told my sister the story. After I finished I said, "I don't ever remember being a princess"... My sister was almost rolling in the floor when she said, "That was me, I'm the one who was always the princess. But, I didn't split the back out of those gowns, that's how they were made in those days"... I was so glad my sister fessed up to being the one walking around town in her princess costume showing her ass every Halloween, for a while there my daughters were wondering if they should claim me as their mom or not!-
One of Yellville Arkansas festivals is the Famous Turkey Trot, so named to call attention to the county's abundance in their wild turkey population. The Turkey Trot has been held every year on the second Friday and Saturday in October since 1945. when the festival first began one of the highlights was when they would drop live turkeys off the rooftop of the county courthouse, this was known as the turkey toss. Later they started dropping the turkeys from a low flying airplane which became known as the turkey drop. The bad thing about the turkey drop is... Turkey's can't fly very well and some were killed as they hit the ground. Animal activist have caused quite a stir and demanded the custom be stopped. As a result the town no longer admits to hosting the turkey drop, however, a mysterious airplane still shows up dropping the turkeys during the festival... The local television stations have been running ads saying it is against the law to drop live turkeys from low flying planes and anyone doing so will be arrested... I'm wondering, is this advertizing in disguise?
Some of the other highlights listed for the festival include the Miss drumsticks competition (where the contestants faces and bodies are hidden while only their legs are judged), view the parade, the turkey calling contest, street dance, turkey dinners, and rodeos. I'm looking forward to see if they drop the turkeys, old traditions are hard to kill... Can't say that for the turkeys though.
When you're a kid, being one of the first to arrive at daycare every morning can be a little boring. When my daughter Ashely takes my grandsons to daycare it is early and most of the children haven't arrived yet so to keep them entertained she gets the blocks down for them to play with while. Today however, when she took the boys to daycare, the worker asked her not to get the blocks down, she said, "Bentley is not allowed to play with the blocks anymore". Uh Oh, sounds like sweet little one year old Bentley learned how to throw blocks, dosen't it?
Nope, he's not throwing them. It seems Bentley takes a block in his hand with the pointy edge sticking out and goes around hitting the other children in the head with it. The worker said yesterday he hit one little girl so hard it took a while for her to quit crying. She also said when he tried to hit his older brother Brayden in the head, Brayden dodged the blow. Kinda makes one wonder who Bentley learned that from, dosen't it? That kinda puts a damper on my Christmas gift idea for the boys, now what can I get them that can't be turned into a weapon?
