More ways to tell if you're a redneck

You ever had to go down to the police station to bail out Momma.
If you had a rag as a gas cap.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You go to bed early on Friday so you can get up early on Saturday to get to the yard sales before all the good stuff is gone.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.
You ever broke a tooth opening a beer bottle.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night has ever required a flashlight and shoes.
You ever lost your wife in a poker game..
You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
You ever gave anyone a twelve pack of beer for a birthday present.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your mother has "ammo or fishing tackle" on her Christmas list.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
There are more than five fast food take out bags currently in the floorboard of your car.
There has ever been more than three police cars at your house at the same time.
You have cardboard, duct tape, garbage bags or wood replacing a broken window in your house or car.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut out.
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.
You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car.
You've ever had to scratch your name out of a message that begins, "For a good time call..."
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You have a tarp on your roof to keep out the rain.
If your wife asks you to fix something...and you use any of the following: a) Duct Tape; b) Welding torch; c) Or W.D forty.
If at least one door on your car is a different color from the rest of the car.
If you have any major appliance on your front porch.
If your most profound statements begin with "I tell you what ..."
If you have a confederate flag for a bedroom curtain.